第十九章

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Dear Clifford, I am afraid what you foresaw has happened. I am really in love with another man, and do hope you will divorce me. I am staying at present with Duncan in his flat. I told you he was at Venice with us. I'm awfully unhappy for your sake: but do try to take it quietly. You don't really need me any more, and I can't bear to come back to Wragby. I'm awfully sorry. But do try to forgive me, and divorce me and find someone better. I'm not really the right person for you, I am too impatient and selfish, I suppose. But I can't ever come back to live with you again. And I feel so frightfully sorry about it all, for your sake. But if you don't let yourself get worked up, you'll see you won't mind so frightfully. You didn't really care about me personally. So do forgive me and get rid of me.

亲爱的克利福德,恐怕你的预言确已成真。我真的爱上另一个男人,并希望你能跟我离婚。目前,我在邓肯家暂住。我告诉过你,他跟我们共游威尼斯。我很替你难过,可请务必心平气和地接受此事。你实际上已经不再需要我,而我也无法容忍重返拉格比。我真的充满歉意。可请你宽恕我,跟我离婚,找个比我更好的女人。我想我真的不适合你,性格过于急躁自私。可我再也无法回到你的身边。对于你,我真的感觉非常抱歉。但如果平心静气地考虑这件事,你就会发觉没有什么了不得的。你其实并不真的在乎我。既然如此,就请原谅我,抛弃我吧。

Clifford was not INWARDLY surprised to get this letter. Inwardly, he had known for a long time she was leaving him. But he had absolutely refused any outward admission of it. Therefore, outwardly, it came as the most terrible blow and shock to him. He had kept the surface of his confidence in her quite serene. And that is how we are. By strength of will we cut of our inner intuitive knowledge from admitted consciousness. This causes a state of dread, or apprehension, which makes the blow ten times worse when it does fall.

接到这封信,克利福德内心并没感到惊讶。在心里,他早就知道她会弃他而去。但在表面上,他坚决拒绝承认此事。因此,从表面看来,这封信对他而言,简直就是晴天霹雳。他外表上对于妻子的信任还是默契安稳的。我们都是这种样子。用意志力切断内心的知觉,拒绝承认已经发生的事实。这往往会引起某种惊恐忧惧的状态,当打击降临时,产生的效果比实际的大十倍。

Clifford was like a hysterical child. He gave Mrs. Bolton a terrible shock, sitting up in bed ghastly and blank.

克利福德像个歇斯底里的孩子。他坐在床上,面如死灰,呆若木鸡,这可把博尔顿太太吓坏了。

"Why, Sir Clifford, whatever's the matter?” No answer! She was terrified lest he had had a stroke. She hurried and felt his face, took his pulse.

“哎哟,克利福德爵士,您到底是怎么了?”没有反应。她生怕他是患上了中风。她赶紧上前,摸摸他的脸,号号他的脉。

"Is there a pain? Do try and tell me where it hurts you. Do tell me!" No answer!

“哪儿疼吗?试着告诉我哪儿疼。请务必告诉我!”没有回答。

"Oh dear, oh dear! Then I'll telephone to Sheffield for Dr Carrington, and Dr Lecky may as well run round straight away.” She was moving to the door, when he said in a hollow tone: "No!" She stopped and gazed at him. His face was yellow, blank, and like the face of an idiot.

“噢,天呢,噢,神呀!我往谢菲尔德打电话,请卡林顿大夫过来,请莱基大夫也赶紧过来。”她急冲冲直奔大门而去,这时听到他沉闷的声音说:“不!”她停住脚步,转头看着他。他脸色蜡黄,眼神呆滞,活像个白痴。

"Do you mean you'd rather I didn't fetch the doctor?” "Yes! I don't want him," came the sepulchral voice.

“您不想让我请医生来吗?”“对!我不需要医生。”他的声音似乎从坟墓中传来。

"Oh, but Sir Clifford, you're ill, and I daren't take the responsibility. I must send for the doctor, or I shall be blamed.” A pause: then the hollow voice said: "I'm not ill. My wife isn't coming back.”— It was as if an image spoke.

“噢,可克利福德爵士,您贵体有恙,这责任我可承担不起。我可得派人去请医生来,不然大家会埋怨我失职的。”片刻的沉默之后,那空洞的声音再度响起:“我没生病。我妻子不回来了。”——好像是雕像在开口说话。

"Not coming back? you mean her ladyship?" Mrs. Bolton moved a little nearer to the bed. "Oh, don't you believe it. You can trust her ladyship to come back.” The image in the bed did not change, but it pushed a letter over the counterpane.

“不回来了?你是说从男爵夫人?”博尔顿太太往床边凑了凑。“噢,您别相信那些鬼话。你请放宽心,夫人保准会回来的。”床上的雕像丝毫没有动容,只是将一封信推过床单。|||||

"Read it!" said the sepulchral voice.

“读吧!”还是那鬼魅般的声音。

"Why, if it's a letter from her ladyship, I'm sure her ladyship wouldn't want me to read her letter to you, Sir Clifford. You can tell me what she says, if you wish.” "Read it!" repeated the voice.

“哎呀,要是夫人来的信,我相信她不会愿意我担任读信的角色,克利福德爵士。如果您愿意的话,不妨告诉我其中的内容。”“读吧!”那声音再次响起。

"Why, if I must, I do it to obey you, Sir Clifford," she said. And she read the letter.

“呃,您非要我读的话,我只好从命,克利福德爵士。”她说。她读完了康妮的来信。

"Well, I am surprised at her ladyship," she said. "She promised so faithfully she'd come back!” The face in the bed seemed to deepen its expression of wild, but motionless distraction. Mrs. Bolton looked at it and was worried. She knew what she was up against: male hysteria. She had not nursed soldiers without learning something about that very unpleasant disease.

“唉,夫人的做法真让我惊讶。”她说。“她曾经那样坚定,信誓旦旦地说会回到您身边!”那塑像般凝注的面孔变得更加狂乱,更加心神不宁。博尔顿太太目睹这一切,心里担心不已。她已经明晰自己将要面对怎样的状况:歇斯底里的男人。她以前照料伤兵的时候,就曾对这种狂躁的癔病略知一二。

She was a little impatient of Sir Clifford. Any man in his senses must have known his wife was in love with somebody else, and was going to leave him. Even, she was sure, Sir Clifford was inwardly absolutely aware of it, only he wouldn't admit it to himself. If he would have admitted it, and prepared himself for it: or if he would have admitted it, and actively struggled with his wife against it: that would have been acting like a man. But no! he knew it, and all the time tried to kid himself it wasn't so.

她渐渐对克利福德失去耐心。只要头脑清醒,任何男人都会清楚自己的妻子已经爱上别人,将要弃他而去。当然,她也晓得,其实克利福德心里如同明镜一般,只是不愿向自己承认而已。如果他早点承认现实,早些做好准备,或者积极行动起来,尽量避免这种情况的发生,那样做才像是大丈夫所为。但他恰恰相反!他心里比谁都明白,却总在欺哄自己,说事实并非如此。

He felt the devil twisting his tail, and pretended it was the angels smiling on him. This state of falsity had now brought on that crisis of falsity and dislocation, hysteria, which is a form of insanity. "It comes", she thought to herself, hating him a little, "because he always thinks of himself. He's so wrapped up in his own immortal self, that when he does get a shock he's like a mummy tangled in its own bandages. Look at him!” But hysteria is dangerous: and she was a nurse, it was her duty to pull him out. Any attempt to rouse his manhood and his pride would only make him worse: for his manhood was dead, temporarily if not finally. He would only squirm softer and softer, like a worm, and become more dislocated.

他清楚恶魔已经翘起尾巴,却假装是天使在朝他微笑。如今,他的伪善终于引发了危机,造成无法挽回的混乱局面,陷入了歇斯底里,近似癫狂的精神状态。“该来的总会来,”她心里恨恨地想,“因为他只想着自己。他全身心沉浸在不朽的自我意识中,而遭遇重创时,他就像个木乃伊,将自己紧紧裹在绷带里。看看他那副德行!”但这种狂躁的癔病终归是危险的,既然她扮演着看护的角色,就有责任帮他渡过难关。试图激起他的丈夫气概和自尊心,只会让情况变得更糟。因为他的男子气概早已丧失殆尽,即使并非永久消失,至少现在半点也看不出。他只会像只虫子,不停地蠕动,越变越软,情况则会变得更加无法收拾。

The only thing was to release his self-pity. Like the lady in Tennyson, he must weep or he must die.

唯一的办法就是让他释放出自怜的情感。就像丁尼生(注:1809-1892,英国诗人)笔下的贵妇,要么痛快哭一场,要么干脆活不成。

So Mrs. Bolton began to weep first. She covered her face with her hand and burst into little wild sobs. "I would never have believed it of her ladyship, I wouldn't!” She wept, suddenly summoning up all her old grief and sense of woe, and weeping the tears of her own bitter chagrin. Once she started, her weeping was genuine enough, for she had had something to weep for.

拿定主意,博尔顿太太自己先掉下泪来。她只手掩面,呜咽起来。“我真没想到夫人能如此绝情,真的无法相信!”她抽泣着,旧日的种种忧伤悲苦瞬间涌上心头,她的泪水为自己的不幸过往而流。一旦抽搭起来,便是如泣如诉,肝肠寸断,因为她确有悲切的理由。|||||

Clifford thought of the way he had been betrayed by the woman Connie, and in a contagion of grief, tears filled his eyes and began to run down his cheeks. He was weeping for himself. Mrs. Bolton, as soon as she saw the tears running over his blank face, hastily wiped her own wet cheeks on her little handkerchief, and leaned towards him.

想起自己如何被那个叫做康妮的婆娘背弃,又被博尔顿太太的哀伤情绪所感染,克利福德不禁泪水盈满眼眶,扑簌簌顺着脸颊滑落。他是为自己而哭泣。一见到泪水从他那失神的脸上滚落,博尔顿太太连忙抄起小手帕,拭干自己的眼泪,靠过去安慰克利福德。

"Now, don't you fret, Sir Clifford!” She said, in a luxury of emotion. "Now, don't you fret, don't, you'll only do yourself an injury!” His body shivered suddenly in an indrawn breath of silent sobbing, and the tears ran quicker down his face. She laid her hand on his arm, and her own tears fell again. Again the shiver went through him, like a convulsion, and she laid her arm round his shoulder. "There, there! There, there! Don't you fret, then, don't you! Don't you fret!" she moaned to him, while her own tears fell.

“别难过了,克利福德爵士!”她满怀深情地劝慰道。“别难过了,这样下去,只会伤了自己的身子!”他深吸一口气,忍住悲声,身体颤抖起来,泪水流得更急了。她揽住他的臂膀,陪着他一起落泪。战栗再度传遍他的身体,如同痉挛一般,她搂住他的肩膀。“好啦,好啦!好啦,好啦!别难过了,好吗?别再难过了!”她边哭,边悲切地劝慰着他。

And she drew him to her, and held her arms round his great shoulders, while he laid his face on her bosom and sobbed, shaking and hulking his huge shoulders, whilst she softly stroked his dusky blond hair and said: "There! There! There! There then! There then! Never you mind! Never you mind, then!" And he put his arms round her and clung to her like a child, wetting the bib of her starched white apron, and the bosom of her pale blue cotton dress, with his tears. He had let himself go altogether, at last.

然后,她将他拉入怀中,两臂抱住他宽厚的双肩,而他将脸埋进她的胸膛,不停抽泣,肩膀颤抖着,起伏着。她轻柔地抚摸着他淡金色的发丝,说:“好啦!好啦!好啦!别伤心了!别伤心了!没关系的!没关系的!”他搂着她,孩子似的依偎在她怀里,她浆硬白围裙的围兜处,还有淡蓝色棉衣的胸口处,全被他的泪水沾湿。他终于彻底释放出自己的情感。

So at length she kissed him, and rocked him on her bosom, and in her heart she said to herself: "Oh, Sir Clifford! Oh, high and mighty Chatterleys! Is this what you've come down to!” And finally he even went to sleep, like a child. And she felt worn out, and went to her own room, where she laughed and cried at once, with a hysteria of her own. It was so ridiculous! It was so awful! Such a comedown! So shameful! And it was so upsetting as well.

过了一会儿,她亲吻着他,摇晃着自己怀里的大男孩,可在心里却暗暗念叨着:“噢,克利福德爵士!噢,趾高气昂的查泰莱家族!你们终于也有今天!”最后,他甚至像个婴孩似的进入梦乡。而她却感觉精疲力竭,回到自己的房间,歇斯底里地又是哭又是笑。太可笑了!太可怕了!他们也有今天的下场!太丢脸了!也太狼狈了!

After this, Clifford became like a child with Mrs. Bolton. He would hold her hand, and rest his head on her breast, and when she once lightly kissed him, he said! "Yes! Do kiss me! Do kiss me!" And when she sponged his great blond body, he would say the same! "Do kiss me!" and she would lightly kiss his body, anywhere, half in mockery.

自打那天后,克利福德和博尔顿太太单独相处时,就变成地道的婴孩。他喜欢握住她的手,把头探进她的怀里,当她送上轻吻,他则会说:“是的!吻我吧!吻我吧!”当她用海绵擦拭着他白皙伟岸的身躯,他也会说同样的话!“吻我吧!”而她则会吻遍他的身体,半带嘲弄地吻着。

And he lay with a queer, blank face like a child, with a bit of the wonderment of a child. And he would gaze on her with wide, childish eyes, in a relaxation of madonna worship. It was sheer relaxation on his part, letting go all his manhood, and sinking back to a childish position that was really perverse. And then he would put his hand into her bosom and feel her breasts, and kiss them in exultation, the exultation of perversity, of being a child when he was a man.

他躺在床上,脸上的表情如同孩子般古怪茫然,甚至闪烁着好奇的神色。他会睁大眼睛注视着她,松弛于对圣母的崇拜中。他完全卸去自己的防卫,抛却所有男人的尊严,堕回到乖戾的孩提时代。他会把手伸进她的怀里,抚摸着她的乳房,疯狂地亲吻着它们,体验着从男人变回男孩的错乱情感。|||||

Mrs. Bolton was both thrilled and ashamed, she both loved and hated it. Yet she never rebuffed nor rebuked him. And they drew into a closer physical intimacy, an intimacy of perversity, when he was a child stricken with an apparent candour and an apparent wonderment, that looked almost like a religious exaltation: the perverse and literal rendering of: "except ye become again as a little child'. While she was the Magna Mater, full of power and potency, having the great blond childman under her will and her stroke entirely.

博尔顿太太又喜又羞,既爱且恨。可她从不会拒绝或是责备他。两人的肉体关系变得更加亲密,这种反常的亲密让他变回孩子,毫不掩饰自己的天真和好奇,几乎可以跟宗教狂热媲美,这似乎是对那句话的曲解:“除非你们再次变成婴儿(注:‘婴儿’出自《圣经·马太福音》)”。而她则变成伟大的圣母玛利亚,拥有无穷的力量,让这个金发大孩子完全臣服于自己的意志和抚爱。

The curious thing was that when this childman, which Clifford was now and which he had been becoming for years, emerged into the world, it was much sharper and keener than the real man he used to be. This perverted childman was now a real businessman; when it was a question of affairs, he was an absolute heman, sharp as a needle, and impervious as a bit of steel. When he was out among men, seeking his own ends, and 'making good' his colliery workings, he had an almost uncanny shrewdness, hardness, and a straight sharp punch. It was as if his very passivity and prostitution to the Magna Mater gave him insight into material business affairs, and lent him a certain remarkable inhuman force. The wallowing in private emotion, the utter abasement of his manly self, seemed to lend him a second nature, cold, almost visionary, businessclever. In business he was quite inhuman.

奇怪的是,克利福德终于结束经年累月的蜕变,以大孩子的形象出现在世间,但却比以往那个男人更加精明敏锐。如今,这个扭曲的大孩子成为真正的业界精英。当涉及到自身的利益,他便成为如假包换的男子汉,敏锐如针,坚硬如钢。当他暂别拉格比,与其他男人角力,为实现既定的目标,为推动自家矿场的发展,他都表现出不可思议的狡黠、冷酷与果敢。似乎是他被动献身于圣母的举动,赋予他对事业发展的敏锐洞察力,获得无人能及的超凡力量。当沉浸在个人感情里,他的男子气概降到冰点,而这反倒让他获得某种第二天性:冷静客观,几乎是高瞻远瞩,精于事业。在事业领域,他的确超凡脱俗。

And in this Mrs. Bolton triumphed. "How he's getting on!” She would say to herself in pride. "And that's my doing! My word, he'd never have got on like this with Lady Chatterley. She was not the one to put a man forward. She wanted too much for herself.” At the same time, in some corner of her weird female soul, how she despised him and hated him! He was to her the fallen beast, the squirming monster. And while she aided and abetted him all she could, away in the remotest corner of her ancient healthy womanhood she despised him with a savage contempt that knew no bounds. The merest tramp was better than he.

对此,博尔顿太太颇为自得。“他多么出色!”她充满自豪地对自己说。“这全是我的功劳!哎哟,查泰来夫人在时,他可从来没这样优秀过。她可不是位好贤内助。她太过自私自利。”而与此同时,在那奇异女性灵魂的某个角落里,她又是那样鄙视和憎恶着他!对她而言,他只不过是头被撂倒的野兽,只知挣扎、坐以待毙的怪物。她竭尽所能地帮助他,鼓励他,而在内心深处,那古老理智的女性本能却对他抱有极端的鄙视和轻蔑。就连最卑微的乞丐都比他强。

His behaviour with regard to Connie was curious. He insisted on seeing her again. He insisted, moreover, on her coming to Wragby. On this point he was finally and absolutely fixed. Connie had promised to come back to Wragby, faithfully.

他对待康妮的态度让人不解。他坚持要再见她一面。而且,他坚持要她回到拉格比。在这一问题上,他是那样的坚定与决绝。康妮曾经信誓旦旦地许诺,保证会重返拉格比。

"But is it any use?" said Mrs. Bolton. "Can't you let her go, and be rid of her?” "No! She said she was coming back, and she's got to come.” Mrs. Bolton opposed him no more. She knew what she was dealing with.

“可这又有什么用呢?”博尔顿太太问。“难道您就不能放她走,跟她划清界限吗?”“不!她曾答应过会回来,就必须兑现诺言。”博尔顿太太不再提出反对意见。她深知克利福德的脾气秉性。

I needn't tell you what effect your letter has had on me (he wrote to Connie to London). Perhaps you can imagine it if you try, though no doubt you won't trouble to use your imagination on my behalf.

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